Of Sweaters and Colonels
by raisintorte
Summary: Caldwell orders the entire expedition to wear sweaters. [Caldwell, Gen, Spoilers for Conversion]


**A/N:** **smittywing** and I joked about this back in December, and I decided to write it as a birthday present for her. (Also, as per the discussion in December, this is TOTALLY her fault :-)) Thanks to **daisycm83** for the speedy and wonderful beta.

Happy Belated Birthday **smittywing**!

* * *

It was just over two weeks after the "John almost turning into a bug" incident, before Carson allowed John to even discuss the goings on in Atlantis with any of his people. 

It was a good thing Carson gave in, because John was bored to tears and he needed to get back to the business of taking care of his city. The first thing he did with his newfound freedom was to radio Major Lorne to stop by and give him a SITREP. (The fact he got to use a radio at all was a big win--Carson could be a stubborn man.)

When Major Lorne walked into the room, John couldn't help but do a double take. Instead of wearing the standard t-shirt and zip up jacket of Atlantis, he was wearing one of those god-awful regulation blue sweaters with a collared shirt under it.

"Major Lorne?" John couldn't help but stare at the sweater. He hated when he had to to wear them; they were incredibly itchy and confining and just seeing one made him feel uncomfortable.

"Yes, sir?"

"Why are you wearing that sweater? Is there something wrong with your uniform?"

"No, sir. Colonel Caldwell ordered us all to wear our sweaters. It was one of the first memos he sent out."

"Major, are you telling me that the members of my expedition have been wearing those sweaters for almost _two weeks_?"

"Yes, sir."

"Oh-kay. Time to change that directive. I want you to draft a memo to all military personal--effective immediately they are to return to the standard Atlantis uniform."

"Not to be disrespectful sir, but I like them. They are . . . cozy," Lorne said, smiling and petting the sleeve of his sweater as he spoke.

"Right." John shook his head at Lorne. "Send out the memo, before I make a note in your file that you appear to be having an inappropriate relationship with your sweater."

"Yes, sir." Lorne slumped his shoulders slightly and left the infirmary.

Really, what had Caldwell been thinking? Those sweaters were so uncomfortable. He had heard rumors of Caldwell's fondness for his sweater—namely, how he put it on every time he had a meeting with Elizabeth--but forcing the entire expedition to wear them was going too far!

When Lorne had been gone a few minutes, John realized that they hadn't discussed anything other than the sweaters. That was probably for the best, as he really was tired. The whole conversion thing really was tiring, and Carson did have a point about keeping his activities to a minimum.

* * *

"Colonel Sheppard!" John was startled awake by Lieutenant Cadman bursting into his room.

"Cadman, didn't anyone ever tell you it's not polite to burst into your CO's hospital room and wake him up?" John pulled himself up so he was propped against his pillows.

"Yes, sir, I think they did have a class on that in OCS. However, I think the fact you are trying to take away my sweater is a mitigating factor."

"You _like_ them?" John couldn't keep the disbelief off his face.

"Of course! It's a pretty shade of green, so it matches my hair. Not to mention it does fantastic things for my figure." As she was talking Cadman had turned to the side, and smoothed her sweater out, which accentuated her curves.

John squeezed his eyes shut and shouted. "Yellow light, Cadman! Yellow light! Put those away!"

"Seriously Cadman, as if a sweater is going to help you out! You can't enhance what isn't there to begin with. Absent surgery that is." Rodney snarked at Cadman from a chair next to the door. John hadn't seen him come in, let alone sit down, but he had been busy avoiding contact with Cadman, so he wasn't really paying attention.

"Right, McKay! You just wish you could have shot at these!" Cadman stuck her chest out at McKay.

John could tell Rodney was about to respond, so he had to put a stop this before they ended up wrestling on his hospital room floor. "Enough! Lieutenant, the sweaters are gone. Deal with it! McKay, leave Cadman alone."

"But she started it!" Rodney sounded so much like a sulking child, John barely resisted rolling his eyes.

"No, I believe _you_ started it – Lieutenant do not stick your tongue out at Dr. McKay! - Rodney, that's not a nice gesture! Cadman! Don't _sit_ on him!" John watched with a mixture of amusement and horror as Cadman sat right down on McKay's lap, and McKay started flailing.

Okay, enough was enough. John was just about to grab his radio for help when Carson stormed into the room.

"What is all this noise? Laura, are you sitting on Rodney? Get off him this instant! Look at poor Colonel Sheppard, the man looks exhausted! What were you two thinking?" Carson glared at Cadman and McKay as Cadman jumped off Rodney's lap and Rodney sat up and straightened his shirt.

"Out! Both of you! Leave the Colonel alone." Carson's tone left no room for interpretation and they left the room.

"Thank you - "

"Hand it over." Carson held his hand out to John.

"What?" John had no idea what Carson was talking about.

"The radio. Hand it over." Carson reached out to grab the radio from John.

John cradled the radio in his arms. "But I didn't do anything wrong!"

"You have had that radio less than six hours and so far you managed to divide the entire expedition, not to mention the fact you just practically incited Rodney and Laura into having a small riot in your room."

"Excuse me?" John pretended he had no idea what Carson was talking about.

"Please, Colonel Sheppard! There are pro and anti sweater groups popping up all over Atlantis. Why Sergeant Southerland and Sergeant Walker almost got into fisticuffs about it in the mess hall! You didn't think you could make a major change like this and not have it cause a ruckus did you?"

"Whoops?" John tried to hide his smile. He saw the expression on Carson's face change the second he figured it out.

"You did it on purpose!"

"Did I?" John gave Carson his best innocent look.

"Of course you did! You knew this would cause a bit of a ruckus."

"Well, I didn't expect people to fight over it, but I figure I had to start undoing some of the more radical changes Caldwell made, and the sweaters was a good place to start. I was going to do something else, but then Lorne showed up in one this morning and presented me with the perfect opportunity. This isn't as important as rotations or team assignments, but it lets people know changes are coming."

"Okay. So there was a method to your madness. You can keep the radio. For now." Carson started to head out of the room and John leaned back in bed. He really was quite tired.

"Also, I just _really_ hate those sweaters."

John could hear Carson chuckling down the hallway as he drifted off to sleep.


End file.
